I recently had a conversation with a girlfriend about quality vs quantity time with my man. It led me to a full blown interview with some of my closest male friends! The truth of how this conversation started is that I was talking with a girlfriend about how this guy I was seeing never had as much time to spend together as I wanted. Our conversation left me wandering,
Do men really care about quality time versus quantity time the same as women?
Many of my girlfriends talk about wanting to spend more time with their man than she is getting… otherwise known as ‘quantity time’. More often than not, what she gets is ‘quality time’. And, to be clear, quality time for our purposes is defined as time ‘well’ spent together but less often and not as long.
Let’s be honest. Especially when we’re in a new relationship, we can’t seem to spend enough time with our man. We refuse to let it look as if we’re a little thirsty for his time. But, in secret we are really hoping for more time with him. We [women] want quantity time. They [men] are satisfied with quality time. Or so it seems. And so the vicious circle begins. You feel like you want to spend more and more time with your man and he seems to be on a different vibe.
After debating about this dilemma, I decided the best answers would come from just asking some men I know for their opinions on this age-old-struggle.
I have some wonderful male friends in my life. I know these guys will always be honest with me. So, I sent my friends, Jason aka “Chef”, Mike, Dee, and John a text asking the big question,
Why does the big thing a woman want from a man–more time with him–seem to be his least ‘favorite’ thing to do?
To my surprise, each of these for men sent extremely different answers back to me. The more I read and re-read their answers, it became apparent that I had to get them together to talk about why their answers seemed so different. I invited them to join me in a conversation to share their thoughts.
Let me give you a little insight on these men:
- Jason, who is affectionately called “Chef” is in deed a professional celebrity chef. We have been friends for some years now. Jason and I have had some of the most open and honest conversations in my life. As you listen to him on the podcast, you will see why I count on him to be ‘brutally’ honest.
- Mike is my favorite cousins. He is more like a brother to me than a cousin. He has always been one of my biggest advocates. And, just like a brother, he usually thinks no guy is good enough for me. He is always subjectively hard on the men that I date. But, I know that Mike will always be transparent, honest, and objective with me when I ask his opinion from a man’s point of view.
- Dee was my college sweetheart. We began dating during a summer break and into the following school year. Our relationship ended amicably. We remain friends to this day. I know that if we are talking about relationships or when I need his opinion I can count on him to call me on my crap. He will tell me when I’m wrong in a loving but honest way.
- John grew up with me. We have been friends since middle school. Our families have been close. We have been there for one another through the loss of parents and relationships. He is level headed and calm. He will always give me some ‘book’ sense and spiritual insight. But he truly is as close to having a big brother that I have ever had.
These men share their thoughts on relationships, spending time with their women, and what a women can do to keep their attention.
These men addressed the debate of quality vs quantity time in drastically different ways. The talked about what attracts them to a woman. They describe in detail, from a woman who can hold their attention with good conversation; to a woman who is willing to roll up her sleeves to work along side her man to reach his goals; to a woman who will be the “Bonnie” to his “Clyde” because he enjoys [her] company.
You must listen to the full interview. And, be sure to mark your calendar to join us as we continue the conversation this February! The Chef, Jason Ellis will host the guys at The Girlfriend Files’ Signature Red Velvet Pancake Brunch in Atlanta. Join our mailing list to get the most up to date information. You don’t want to miss this!